Mom: I've been reading this book on healthy living and I really liked it until I got to the part where they started telling you everything you can't eat. You can't eat fish because of the mercury. You can't eat anything that's been washed because of the chemicals it leaves behind.
Me: So what can you eat?
Me: I think you should stop reading that book.
Mom: So I'm thinking, what's safe, then? Should I just eat a freakin' flannel sheet?
Me: A what?
Mom: But it couldn't be clean or else I'd risk eating some of the laundry detergent chemical residue. So, a dirty flannel sheet.
Me: Do you still want to go to Legal tonight?
Mom: Do they serve sheet?