Sweet Valley High

Red joined me at the local library where I picked up, among other things, Stevie Wonder's Boxed Set: At The Close Of The Century. We made our way through the children's section, which I found to be more than ample, but Red was like "eh, it's not so big" and stumbled across Judy Blume's Superfudge and Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing.
Then we hit pay-dirt. Every Nancy Drew book, in order.
"I had this one and this one..." Red said gleefully.
"You know what I used to love? Sweet Valley High..." We turned the corner, and you guessed it, EACH AND EVERY FUCKING SVH NOVEL EVER CREATED stood before us.
"OH MY GOD!!" Red EXPLODED. "This is the first one, Double Trouble... wait, I'll close my eyes and tell you the rest." I knew I was in for it.
"There's Oriental Summer, and the Older Sister, and Cheerleading Camp Blues... I had ALL of these!"
Then the covers eventually began to have pictures of boys on them, by this time she has recited 53 of these titles to me. "This is where my father forbid me to read these books."
"What are they about?" I asked.
"Well, each book starts out with a description of these two twins..." she read aloud. "They were blonde as the summer wind. They never needed to diet. Their teeth were white pearls plucked from the sea. They were co-prom queens. They both rode majestical stallions, and smelled like buttercups."
"So this is basically the seed that causes young women to have inferiority complexes and become maladjusted, neurotic, underconfident and have negative body images."
"Yeah. Ooh! Sock Hop Surprise!"

not even remotely entertaining email survey

What outfit are you wearing?
Black pants and a dark red scoopneck shirt.

What are you listening to right now?
Kids with intense spring fever.

What was the last thing you ate?
Salad with chicken at the 99 with work friends. Maybe I've just not been eating enough lately, but the food there was actually pretty good!

Do you wish on stars?
Maybe.

If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Maybe purple or yellow. And also not thrilled about being a crayon.

How is the weather right now?
Sunny and kind of windy. But overall nice, thank God.

Last person you spoke to on the phone?
Mark.

How old are you today?
27 years, 6 months, 12 days.

Favorite drink?
Diet Pepsi, water, good wine, and I love chocolate milkshakes but I never really have them.

Favorite sport?
Baseball. Come on.

Hair color?
Red.

Do you wear contacts?
No.

Siblings?
None.

Favorite month?
October.

Favorite food?
Now I have my favorite summer food on the brain: grilled marinated chicken and veggie shishkabobs (is that a real word?), soft serve chocolate ice cream cones at Fenway, lobster rolls at the raw bar in Mashpee.

What was the last movie you watched?
I Heart Huckabees, I think. It wasn't as good as I wanted it to be.

Favorite day of the year?
The first day it feels like spring, the first day it feels like fall, and my first night at the Balsams.

What do you do to vent anger?
I talk to my friends about everything. I talk to my mom. I talk to the assistant manager at Lady Foot Locker. Woman knows her stuff.

What was your favorite toy as a child?
I was obsessed with my Barbie Town House, especially the elevator. I loved My Little Ponies; I used to write stories about them. I loved my Fisher Price record player. I played Olivia Newton-John and the Cabbage Patch Kids album, which I still know by heart. I loved Care Bears, Rainbow Brite, all that stuff. I was a little girl in the 80s, what can I say?

Summer or winter?
Ummmm...well, the end of a long winter is a bad time to be objective. I don't hate winter, like most people, but I'd have to go with summer. Although I really prefer spring and fall. If you care. Which you probably do not.

Hugs or kisses?
Depends who's giving it, I guess?

Chocolate or vanilla?
Chocolate.

When was the last time you cried?
I don't remember, actually.

What is under your bed?
It used to be a wayward Roomba, until I found him. That thing is possessed.

What did you do last night?
I went to the game with my dad, FlyingJ, and Jen, and watched Schilling get his heart broken by the Yankees.

Favorite smell?
Beachiness.

Plain, buttered or salted popcorn?
Light butter and salt.

Favorite car?
I don't know, so long as it's black and not a sedan, but not a gigantic whale car either.

Favorite flower?
Yellow tulips.

Number of keys on your key ring?
Five...my apartment, my mailbox, my car, my classroom, my parents' house.

How many years at your current job?
8 months.

How many states have you lived in?
Just the one.

What is your favorite restaurant to visit for breakfast and what do you order?
I don't really go out for breakfast, but if I do I like eggs benedict and cinnamon toast. Has this survey been a lot about food?

If you looked back at your high school yearbook photos, what is more embarrassing? Your hair, your clothes, your glasses, or your complexion?
High school pictures were okay, I guess, but the junior high hair (perm) was really not.

If you had to change the color of one of the following, which would you change and why: the walls in your living room, your car, or your eyes.
I wouldn't change any of those. But thanks!

dog blog

Me: I'm getting a dog.
Mark: You're getting a dog?
Me: Yes.
Mark: YOU are getting a dog?
Me: Yes.
Mark: You're not getting a dog.
Me: Yes, I am.
Mark: Do you know what a dog will do? A dog will shit ALL OVER your apartment. It will chew up EVERYTHING YOU OWN. You'll have to walk it every day. You'll have to walk around behind it, holding a thing that picks up dog shit. You will literally have dog shit in your hand EVERY DAY. A dog will lick itself and then it will lick you. You are not going to deal well with any of that.
Me: I'm getting a dog.
Mark: You're not getting a dog.

"they're all wax! everyone!"

I haven't been this excited since Spring Break Shark Attack.

In other news (if that was news), I'm getting one of these!