Sunday, February 26, 2006

cutting to the chase: reviewing trailers

Lonesome Jim: Seems to have the same basic premise of Garden State, but with Casey Affleck, who is like Ben without the money and tanning booth. In other words, I like him. And I'll see any movie that contains the warning: "Be careful, because when you point a finger at somebody else, you're pointing three at yourself and a thumb at the sky."

Marie Antoinette: I can't decide if this will be bad (Kirsten Dunst) or good (Jason Schwartzman).

Firewall: This movie was specifically designed for my mother, who should have been medicated years ago for her obsession with Harrison Ford. She also loves any book, movie, or TV show that has to do was espionage, terrorism, or heists. When the warning about violence comes on before 24, I've heard her yell, "Violence! YES!"

Date Movie: The only thing worse than some of these movies the first time around is a parody of them that doesn't appear to be remotely funny. And P.S. jackasses, the parody of The Ring in Scary Movie was STILL SCARY, so thanks for that.

Film Geek: I'll need to see this.

Illusion: And maybe this.

Basic Instinct 2: Sad.

The Break-Up: Jennifer Aniston is a good straight man in Movies Like This. I can't explain it, but she just plays normal really well; I'd want her to play my girlfriend in a movie, too. The scene in the kitchen solidifies my massive crush on Vince Vaughn. Anyway, this movie could be good, or not. I clearly feel strongly about it.

Failure to Launch: Where would Matthew McConaughey's career be without all these please-fix-this-man movies to star in? He was at his best as Wooderson... can I get an amen?

Poseidon: I hate when people say, "Oh, blah-bitty-blah? Yeah, I liked it the first time when it was called whoozy-whazit! HA HA!" The person making this joke is inevitably lame. But I can't help it... I can't contain it... I apologize ahead of time... I liked this movie the first time around when it was called Titanic. (And by "liked" I mean, saw it, almost cried myself into a nervous breakdown, and then tried to regain my pride by mocking it.)

The Da Vinci Code: It'd be funny if the movie was like the book, and everyone became completely obsessed with it for two days and then forgot about it.

Lady in the Water: Leave it to M. Night Shyamalan to write a movie for his kids that still looks creepy. I like how they're calling it a bedtime story, though, and I'll see anything that Paul Giamatti is in. Speaking of M., how funny was that scene in Signs at the end of the movie when we finally see the alien, and it looked like it was wearing a $19.99 alien Halloween costume from Target?

Stay Alive: This could have been the next House of Wax, if only they'd thought to cast Paris Hilton. Who am I kidding, nothing will ever live up to that genius.

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