Thursday, February 16, 2006

flower girl

Here are my other two cents about Valentine's Day. By now most men are onto the fact that sending flowers to her place of business is a move that will pay for itself several times over. Despite the fact that it's ultimately not a gesture that really attests to your love or anything like that... when I was at Shrinkage, this woman had an complete jerk of a boyfriend who yelled at her at the Christmas party and always sent the biggest bouquet, presumably the "I'm Wicked Sorry Baby" arrangement.

But when it comes to flowers, step it up and send them to her at work on some random day, and it will pay for itself a thousand times over. Trust me, this will make your life better. Do it now, in fact. Go on, I'll wait here. Actually, do it in a few days, otherwise it will seem like you're trying to make up for her being the only flowerless girl in the cube farm on V-Day. Do it on some Tuesday in March. Then come back here for more advice on the ladies. And try to imagine that that last sentence came out much more Barry White-ish than I was able to type it.

Damn, I'm good. I'd make some needy, overanalytical woman very happy.

You know what's funny, though? There's even a loophole when it comes to sending flowers to a woman at work, and I, of course, somehow managed to live it. It was several years ago and I had just started dating this guy and I wasn't completely sure how I felt about things yet; not in a bad way, just in a new way. I did end up liking him a lot and dating him for awhile. But he sent me flowers at work on a random day, which forces you to suddenly come up with the exact right response to "WHO sent you THESE?!" Turns out that "oh, just a friend" sounds too coy and "oh, just this guy" makes you sound like a whore. It's like being forced to wear a sign that says, "Hey, random coworker that I've never really talked about anything much with besides that latest brochure copy and the weather! You're standing right here at my desk staring at the damn flowers, so why don't you ask me who I just started sleeping with!"

Maybe I'll send some to myself at work and then yell that at the top of my lungs. That'd probably be worse than drinking the powdered apple cider mix, huh?

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