Me: Hey. How's the game?
Dorie: Great. How are the kids?
Me: They're great. Sound asleep.
Dorie: Good. Are you drinking yet?
Me: No.
Dorie: Why not?
Me: Because I'm home alone with your children?
Dorie: Oh, it's fine. They're fine!
Me: I know. But I'm just going to wait for you.
Dorie: Just please pour yourself a glass of wine. Actually, two. That way we're even when I get back.
Me: Listen lady, I don't drink on the job. I'm in the union.
Dorie: Come on!
Me: Okay, fine, I'll go lay on your front lawn and get drunk on fridge wine.
Dorie: And eat those cookies on the counter, too. They're really yummy.
Me: Where the hell were parents like you when I was 13 years old and babysitting?
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