Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Talkin' Turkey

Work Friend (whom some of you met on Halloween) and I are discussing how I failed miserably in coming up with a Thanksgiving song and dance for the kids. For Halloween my crew and I busted a move to Monster Mash and Werewolves of London, and those little dancing candy maniacs were so cute. Alas, there's a drought of turkey songs. Sorry about the Native Americans But Enjoy Your Pie? Here's Hoping Bird Flu Hasn't Hit the Turkey Population? I made the exciting discovery that you can kind of sing "Glad I'm Not a Turkey" to the tune of "We Are Family," but if I'd spent anymore time on that I'm sure someone would've made the helpful suggestion that perhaps there are more constructive things I could be doing at work.

Anyway, we move onto pondering coming-to-a-new-country songs, because when in doubt, rock the Pilgrim vibe. I'm trying to make a case for why America by Neil Diamond, while resplendent in its awesomeness, really seems like less of an anthem for patriotism and more of a flat-out announcement that terrorists are on their way (TODAY!). And then:

Supergirl: Hi guys! I just wanted to say bye and have a happy Thanksgiving!
Me: Hey Super. Are you going to [state her family lives in]?
Supergirl: Yup! I have an almanac!

This is usually the point where I'd say, "Neat! Bye!" but Work Friend doesn't know yet not to go there.

WF: An almanac?
Supergirl: Yeah! It's such a long drive but you know what [Husband] and I do? We'll read the almanac and it'll say stuff like who the ten biggest political figures of the year are! And then I'll read them to [Husband] out of order and he has to put them in order! And we do it with everything! Music and movies and lots of stuff!
WF: Wow!

I give WF a wait-for-it look.

Supergirl: And for every one that he gets right, he gets a point!
Me: There it is. Happy Thanksgiving, Supergirl!

And, of course, the same to the rest of you. Enjoy/tolerate/plot revenge against your family, eat well, and if you'll be revisiting your childhood turf, repress the urge to meet your high school classmates for beers, because really, they're just the same drunk bitches they were fifteen years ago.


Melissa said...

Nice... points toward sexual favors, I'm sure. I wonder if he asks for a BJ every ten points or if he's saving towards anal.

Red said...

I like the way you think.

othur-me said...

I wonder how many points it is for "him handcuffed to a treadmill with no off swich, wearing only a diaper, bunny ears, and Scooby Doo slippers, while she throws jelly beans at him hanging upside down by her legs from the chandelier, wearing ski boots, a chastity belt, and a groucho marx nose"?

I know. Every guys dream, right?

Red said...

I REALLY like the way you think.

stefanie said...

A guy I graduated actually owns "The" bar in my hometown (there is more than one bar... believe me, WAY more than one bar, but his is the only one that might be a reunion spot). I went there once, about five years ago, and decided I never needed to return again.

A friend's sister is having her wedding reception on Friday at the supper club where her brother and I worked in high school, though, and it's entirely too tempting to crash that.

stefanie said...

graduated with. That's what I meant.

And here I go with two comments in a row that have nothing to do with sexual favors. I am no fun like that.

Killer said...

How about "wouldn't you like to be a turkey too?" To that Dr. Pepper song.

kate said...

I think I'd honestly be alone on Thanksgiving than trapped in the Almanac Couple's car.

kate said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Red said...

Stef, my favorite thing was your assuring us of the plethora of bars in your hometown. "I mean, there's more than just that one bar, believe you me! There's one on every corner! Hell, I'm drunk right now!"

Killer, nice! You know what I realized? I gave Party Jen credit in a past entry for a name YOU came up with for the fun mix. I suck, sorry.


kate said...

I couldn't chance that the Fung Wah bus wouldn't hit Almanac Couple's car and they'd read us trivia while we waited for the cops.

Darren McLikeshimself said...

Huh. Is it wrong that I kind of like the almanac idea?

Miss Peach said...

Wow, the comments here are KILLING me. Sweet jesus. Darren, I think it's sweet you like the Almanac idea, but I don't think I want to play it with you. Is that wrong?