Monday, January 22, 2007

How Online Dating Continues to Not Be For the Faint of Heart or Slow Email Repliers

Me: I just got a mean email from a Match guy.
Keith: What?
Me: He wrote an email last week and I didn't write back. And he just wrote, "I don't know what I could've said in a few sentences to cancel me out so fast, but 'c'lest la vie, c'est la guerre.' Anyway, could you please let people know in the future? Guys are human too, and it hurts to be kept hanging like that. Thanks. Mike"
Keith: Yikes. It's a little presumptuous to think that his email requires a return contact, and you get scolded if you take too long.
Me: "Dear Mike, I was just paralyzed with fear over the intensity of my feelings. I've been a frothing mess since your original email. Please have dinner with me! Your wife"
Keith: You need to send that.
Me: Ha, you think?
Keith: Someone needs to sanction him, what with his wild accusatory emails and his "I said hi to you, now you have to love me" expectations.
Me: Maybe you should call him for me.
Keith: "Mike, I'm calling on behalf of your ex-budding-love interest. Can you settle down? She's not saying it's over, but things have to change."
Me: I just noticed the subject title: "OK, so you changed your mind."
Keith: From what to what?
Me: Maybe we could try counseling. I just hate for this to be it.
Keith: Not when you've both invested so much. Why throw it all away?


Waspgoddess said...

Oh my god, the pressure. I'm so glad I managed to get out in time.

Stefanie said...

Oh good lord. Shocking that this guy hasn't found his ideal mate online yet.

This is when the no-direct-contact-right-away routine at meMarmony is a little better, I guess.

Unknown said...


I was just scolded by a guy who I had given my e-mail address and had ONE chatting conversation with, and then saw me talking to another guy.

'You have no idea how much this hurts', he said, 'I don't understand why you gave him and not me a chance'

The fact that he said those words, pissed me off so badly and scared the shit out of me, at the same time.

In his head, somehow, we already had five babies and were living in a cul-de-sac house I guess.

metalia said...

That is one needy-ass, pompous, and yes, presumptuous email.

Also, I'm kind of in love with each and every one of the responses that you guys considered.

Paisley said...

I think I dated that guy once...

You should totally egg him on. It's the evil in me and it would bring me great pleasure to read about it.


Greg said...

Ah, young love.

Young, creepy love. said...

wait, guys are human too?!?!?! Say what?

3carnations said...

When I saw the word "counseling" at the end of your post, it made me think of the movie "How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days". Why don't you respond and tell him you think that the two of you should start couples counseling? Then when HE doesn't respond, send him an email similar to the one he sent you. :)

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