Wednesday, October 10, 2007

I Know You're Home Russell Answer Your Phone

So this afternoon I'm on my way from school to the home of one of the kids that I see after school and I get pulled over for making a left on a red light. In my defense, the person in front of me... and the light was just barely... and I would've been blocking the... meh, whatever. I'm a Boston driver, I admit it.

The one advantage that I can see to being pulled over in the city that I work in is the opportunity to milk the fact that I work at one of the schools and children are the future and please please don't give me a ticket. I got pulled over two months ago, though, and I got off on a warning then, so I'm not optimistic.

"Hi, I'm so sorry. I thought I could make that light but obviously not. I was just coming from the XYZ School."

"Yeah, you weren't even close to making the light. You work at the XYZ?"

"Yes, I do!" And I love puppies and flowers and most of all THE LAW!

"Okay, let's have your license and registration. It'll just be a minute."

Six long minutes later he comes back to my window. "You've had a lot of offenses, huh?"

Sure, driver retraining school comes to mind, but his tone sounds less like he's talking about illegal U-turns and more like selling crack to second graders.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, your license was suspended awhile ago."

"What? No, it was definitely wasn't."

"And there's a restraining order against you? Someone named Russell?"

"Wait, WHAT? I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't even know anyone named Russell." This isn't exactly true. I have a student named Russell, but it's been awhile since a kindergartener took legal action against me. And I had a camp counselor named Russell 15 years ago, but I'm fairly certain that I haven't been crowding him.

"How many tickets have you received in the past few years?"

"I got a couple a few years ago, but none recently. And my license was never suspended and no one has a RESTRAINING ORDER against me."

And then of course I stop for a second and think, wait, does someone? Would I know? Does my mom really hate me that much?

He kind of laughed and shrugged. "Okay, then, I guess I pulled up the wrong name. Anyway, I just wrote you a warning."

"Oh. But..." How would information on someone else come up if he ran my license? Why did he just shrug it off? But I'm already late and I decide not to push it. "Okay, well, thanks."

I thought when people stole your identities that they just bought crap online and called China. Maybe I should look into this.

And I'm sorry, Russell. BUT WHY WON'T YOU TAKE ME BACK?


3carnations said...

That's a very strange story. I would think if you truly had a suspended license, he would not let you off with a warning. Is it possible that guy had the strangest way ever of hitting on someone? Are you sure he was even a police officer? :)

Anonymous said...

Hee! Lucky girl :) That reminds me of the time I got pulled over in New Hampshire with a suspended license and an expired registration - I was prepared to be handcuffed and hauled off to Rapey Prison when the officer came back and said, "Have a nice weekend!" I almost poohed myself, but I DID have a good weekend.

Jess said...

That is extremely bizarre. Someone named Russell? Would he pull that information if he did a scan on you? Was he bizarrely trying to trick you into admitting you'd done something wrong? How weird.

-R- said...

So he thought you were driving on a suspended license and were possibly stalking Russell, but he just wrote you a warning? That must be one awesome school!

Are there people in Boston even named Russell? I though all men in Boston were either named Joe or Patrick.

lizgwiz said...

That is the strangest "pulled over" story I've ever heard. What if he'd pulled up the file of a suspected murderer or something? Would you have been spread-eagled against the car, gettin' the old pat down?

Anonymous said...

You may not be crowding camp counselor Russell, but he does read your blog.


-Russell (I prefer Russ, but whatever) from E (at W).

Anonymous said...

Russ(ell) scares me.

Anonymous said...

Well, she DID e-mail me the URL a while back, so it's not as random as it seems...

Red said...

3c and Jess, I know, right? Except that he was oldish and seemed awkward, so...

Carly! See you at Rapey Prison someday.

-r-, they are, so you can imagine my surprise.

Liz, I'm sure, and with all my students' parents driving by.

RUSS, ohmygod, that's hilarious, I totally forgot I ever sent you the link.

Funny enough I did have a crush on him at camp. But he was in college and I was, um, a child. Ah well.

Stefanie said...

Yeah, I'd say you should probably look into this further and make sure no one's racking up criminal offenses in your name, but since I don't like to be the paranoid type, I'll go with 3C's suggestion that he was just messing with you because he thought you were cute. said...

Wait, he thought your license was suspended, then just TOOK YOUR WORD FOR IT that it wasn't? That's a pretty landmark defense. I'll try it out next time I'm on trial for murder.

Anonymous said...

I think the strangest thing about this? Is that he GAVE YOU A WARNING after learning all of these happily incorrect facts.

Clearly your feminine wiles are much stronger than his fear of crazy ladies with restraining orders against them!

Red said...

He didn't think my license was suspended now, he was mentioning that it had been in the past, when he was running down my imaginary rapsheet.

Also, are you guys hitting on me? Because I like it.

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