Monday, February 21, 2005

What Would Guy in My TV Do?

My favorite thing about my TV is that it has opinions. The info button doesn't just tell you the name of the movie and a two-line will inform you that the movie you're inquiring about is a disappointing farce, or that it's dim-witted but entertaining, or that it's an intriguing journey into the human condition that has its dull moments. And it seems to be kind of a fancy pants because it likes pretty much anything that's won an Oscar, but movies with people like Ashton Kutcher and Tara Reid piss it off and it starts throwing around words like tedious and horrible. Sometimes it tries to behave and will just say non-committal things like, "This 1996 adaptation of the best-selling novel XYZ stars Goober McWhoeverton in an epic struggle of good and evil," and in the next breath it's like, wow, that was totally craptastic. I love it.

P.S. Happy 30th, Joe!
P.P.S. Thanks for the help with the sidebar, Darren. And by help I mean, doing it for me.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

the trouble with clean living

Mom: I've been reading this book on healthy living and I really liked it until I got to the part where they started telling you everything you can't eat. You can't eat fish because of the mercury. You can't eat anything that's been washed because of the chemicals it leaves behind.
Me: So what can you eat?
Mom: Legumes.
Me: I think you should stop reading that book.
Mom: So I'm thinking, what's safe, then? Should I just eat a freakin' flannel sheet?
Me: A what?
Mom: But it couldn't be clean or else I'd risk eating some of the laundry detergent chemical residue. So, a dirty flannel sheet.
Me: Do you still want to go to Legal tonight?
Mom: Do they serve sheet?