Thursday, May 18, 2006

my two cents

Blogging pimp Stephanie Klein says that she's often called upon to give advice. To which I can only say: why? But that's beside the point. The point, here, is to steal a few of the questions she says she's received and give my own advice to them.

It's 4:15am - you've just returned from a night of sangria martinis and are getting down to it when your cell phone goes off. Not only do you answer it, but it's your boss screaming that you got her hotel reservations in Anguilla all wrong. How do you keep both your boss and your man sweet?
It's 4:15 and you're just getting down to it? That's impressive, because I'm like dead asleep by then. Anyway, why did you give your boss your cell number? And isn't it kind of a bummer that you're making her hotel reservations? Maybe you should find a different job. Just a thought.

You think you've managed to drag him away from football for an entire week - but you're wrong. He's a constant crackberry, and when his thumbs are numb, he's scooting around town, hoping to find "the game" somewhere in the middle of Bali. Next thing you know, he's hooked up with fellow fans in a hotel lobby. Grrr. What do you do?
Crackberry? Even though you tried to keep him sweet? Seriously, who wrote these? Okay. Um, just a reminder that you're in Bali, and this isn't really a problem.

You're on vacation. You're taking preventative measures: suntan lotion, bug spray, condoms. But when it comes to food, you plan to readily stuff yourself until your white cargo pants need to be unbuttoned. You'll work it off the next morning, snorkeling, diving, having sex. But what's this? Your man's ordering his dressing on the side. A small Greek salad. He's watching his figure. How can you possibly binge in peace now?
What, are you always on vacation? Anyway, I don't really know how to answer this because I didn't go on vacation with this guy. I left his girly ass behind and brought his beefy, meat-eating friend instead.

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