Wednesday, January 31, 2007

I May Be All Germy, But That Resident Probably Had a Worse Day Than Me

Nurse: Your doctor has a resident with him today. Is that okay?
Me: Sure, that's fine.

Resident: Hi, I'm Dr. Whocaresington.
Me: Hi.
Resident: So what brings you in today?
Me: [bad sore throat since Sunday, chills, generally out of it, think I might have strep]
Resident: [looks in my throat, ears, listens to me breathe, etc.] Okay, well, you don't appear to have any signs of strep throat.
Me: Oh, okay.
Resident: I'd keep up what you're doing with the Tylenol and Vitamin C. But I'll have your doctor come in and follow up in a second.

My Doctor: Hi Red.
Me: Hi.
My Doctor: So what's going on?
Me: [bad sore throat since Sunday, chills, generally out of it, think I might have strep]
My Doctor: [looks in my throat, ears, listens to me breathe, etc., then turns to Resident] You didn't see the white spots on her left tonsil?

I died a thousand deaths for the poor bastard. We've all been there, in some way.

Resident: Oh. No, I didn't.

My doctor takes out a strep kit, swipes me, and then we wait for a line to appear or not. Modern medicine, I'm telling you! The last time I got tested for strep I'm pretty sure they had to call me from the lab the next day. I almost comment that it's like a pregnancy test, but realize just in time that that sounds a little whorish.

The line shows up. My doctor turns to Resident. "She DOES have strep. Why don't you take another look?"

Aww. Poor guy. Well, we know at least one doctor in the world who's going to be damn sure he checks your throat twice next time, right? Maybe he'll diagnose everyone with strep for awhile just to be on the safe side.

Now I'm armed with my trusty supply of azithromycin, which has already helped me feel less partially lobotomized and like my throat isn't a vacation spot for a colony of furious, revenge-seeking bees. I'm almost glad it turned out to be something, because I was afraid that I was a 29-year-old sleeping twelve hours a day and crying over a cold. At least now I know I was a 29-year-old sleeping twelve hours a day and crying over a BAD cold. To make matters worse, I don't even have a sexy cold voice. I sound like someone shoved a rag down the back of my throat and said, "Now see if you can talk, biotch."

Before I left, my doctor mentioned that the antibiotics could change the effectiveness of birth control pills and that while I'm on the strep meds I should use other contraceptive methods. Thanks for the advice, but when you're so phlegmy that you wake up to a wet pillow, and all night long you're adjusting it to find the side that's the least damp*, contraception is just not your most pressing concern.

*You really didn't need to know that, did you? That's the risk you take by ambling into the Tent, my friend.


nabbalicious said...

Ha! Poor resident. Was it Dr. John Dorian, by any chance?

Feel better soon!

stefanie said...

Man. The whole damn Internet is sick, it seems. Feel better soon. At least you got drugs.

And well done on keeping the lip zipped on the pregnancy test line. That's totally something I would have let just slip out, and I've never even taken a pregnancy test.

Melissa said...

Meh, poor Red. But I head ya on sexy cold voice. Love it!

Melissa said...

Er, that is, "hear."

3carnations said...

I had to pass on the trainee nurse while I was in labor. I didn't want her asking the other nurse questions while I was giving birth.

Poor resident, though. Did you just want to say "Oh, I probably developed those spots AFTER he looked in my mouth."?

Darren McLikeshimself said...

Gah! Sorry, Red. Please feel better soon.

I haven't been as sick as usual this winter, which I probably owe to working from home.

I have mentioned that, right? That I work from home?

Red said...

Nabbs, do you know tonight while watching Scrubs I said to Kate, OH, is JD John Dorian? Doh...

Stefanie, I was going to say, never taken a pregnancy test, what did you do during your 20s?! But then I realized THAT sounds a little whorish too.

Melis, I know, right? I just want the sexy phlegm, damn it!

3c, ha, I should've said that!

Darren, thanks. I work from work.