Thursday, September 27, 2007

All Growed Up

Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. If you manage not to die for long enough, eventually you turn thirty. In your face, Cobain!

I'm not bummed at all, actually, which is good since most of you are over thirty already and right now giving your computer screen the same hairy eyeball that I give my 27-year-old friends who talk about their biological clocks. Why do all the girls I roll with seem to be 27? Bitches. The 70s rocked and you missed it.

Also? Hairy eyeball is like the grossest expression ever.

Anyway, I'm ready! I own my age! And I've been telling people that I'm turning 50 just to try and elicit the "Holy CRAP you look great" response. That would also mean that my mom had me when she was ten, but hey. She's always been a little promiscuous.

Ahem. No more slutty mom jokes! I expect that the next time you hear from me I'll be older and wiser and wearing a smoking jacket and discussing equities. When you're thirty, you suddenly don't feel the need to do the Thriller dance in your living room, and you're such an adult that you don't leave cooked pasta that you didn't finish on the stove for two days, right?

Fine, three days.

Tuesday is The Big Day. There's a car commercial out right now that says, "Hurry, offer ends October first!" I always reply to my TV, "So does my youth!" Yeah, no one else in the room with me laughs either.

I guess I could try to come up with some corny life lessons or something, but why bother when Kenny Rogers has already done it for me? My life has been distilled into knowing when to hold 'em, when to fold 'em, when to walk away, and when to run. Sounds about right, though, huh? Of course, at the end of the day soft rock defines my life.

Anyway, I'll pretty much be drunk with my peoples all weekend (and I define weekend as being the second that work ends tomorrow until sometime very early Wednesday morning) so I'll see you once I shake off these 20s.


She's a big star said...

If turning 30 means you no longer have the urge to bust out dancing in your living room, then I am in BIG trouble!! Only a year and a half left of me jamming out like a rock (ok, country) star in my living room? That sucks!!

Letting me know how the older and wiser thing works out for you. Happy Birthday!!

And btw, 'in your face, Cobain'...probably the funniest thing you've ever said. Ever.

Stefanie said...

30 isn't so bad, really. It feels remarkably the same as 29. Have an excellent weekend. Happy birthday to you!

Also, I can't wait to see what you come up with for your new tag line. :-)

-R- said...

I will miss your crazy 20-something ramblings and look forward to your crazy 30-something words of wisdom.

Michelle | Bleeding Espresso said...

I agree with Stefanie. You'll barely feel the change (no hot flashes yet)...this coming from someone facing 31 in a few weeks.

I had a Cabbage Patch doll that shared your birthday, but then again, I think most of us probably did. The odds were high--why couldn't they be born on other than the first of the months, though, I'll never understand.

Michelle | Bleeding Espresso said...

Or should that be "firsts of the month" or "firsts of the months."

Don't worry--I didn't get like this only after 30. I've been like this the whole time ;)

Anonymous said...

First of all, your first paragraph just about killed me. Bravo.

Also, happy birthday!

sarah said...

congrats for getting rid of the 20s. in my own experience, good riddance to them. hell, 30 is the NEW (and improved) 20 (which it would have to be, since 40 is the new 30). i'd be rather shocked if you didn't love this decade more than the last. i'm already 2 years ahead of you, and it's looking better every year.

happy birthday! love your blog.

p.s. kenny rogers has always been right. i'm glad someone else finally realized this.

Unknown said...

I can't believe how awesome Red is. I'm sitting in her apartment right now overwhelmed by how truly fantastical she is. When I think about the 36 hours that I still have yet to spend with her, I feel like I'll burst into a flame of pure joy. Also, for those of you who don't know her in real life, she doesn't look a day over 17.

Yeah, this is Red using Kate's account. Reason #483 why you should never leave yourself logged in on my laptop.

Anonymous said...


Allie said...

Happy Birthday!!!

Red said...

Thanks guys!

Anonymous said...

happy birfday