Red joined me at the local library where I picked up, among other things, Stevie Wonder's Boxed Set: At The Close Of The Century. We made our way through the children's section, which I found to be more than ample, but Red was like "eh, it's not so big" and stumbled across Judy Blume's Superfudge and Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing.
Then we hit pay-dirt. Every Nancy Drew book, in order.
"I had this one and this one..." Red said gleefully.
"You know what I used to love? Sweet Valley High..." We turned the corner, and you guessed it, EACH AND EVERY FUCKING SVH NOVEL EVER CREATED stood before us.
"OH MY GOD!!" Red EXPLODED. "This is the first one, Double Trouble... wait, I'll close my eyes and tell you the rest." I knew I was in for it.
"There's Oriental Summer, and the Older Sister, and Cheerleading Camp Blues... I had ALL of these!"
Then the covers eventually began to have pictures of boys on them, by this time she has recited 53 of these titles to me. "This is where my father forbid me to read these books."
"What are they about?" I asked.
"Well, each book starts out with a description of these two twins..." she read aloud. "They were blonde as the summer wind. They never needed to diet. Their teeth were white pearls plucked from the sea. They were co-prom queens. They both rode majestical stallions, and smelled like buttercups."
"So this is basically the seed that causes young women to have inferiority complexes and become maladjusted, neurotic, underconfident and have negative body images."
"Yeah. Ooh! Sock Hop Surprise!"