sleeping with myself

A chick magazine has an article this month called "The Questions to Ask Before You Jump Into Bed." I decided to ask myself these questions to determine if I'm a suitable bed partner, or if I should be making myself sleep in the guest room until we're more serious. I mean, I don't want to rush into anything here.

1) What's the best compliment anyone could give you?
Dave's suggestion: "You have beautiful cuticles?", complete with question mark at the end. My response to that: "You just used 'beautiful' and 'cute' in a sentence about me and somehow managed to not compliment me at all."

2) What material thing will you never give up?
I'm partial to the clay larynx I made in grad school. I brought it home and baked it in the oven until it hardened. I used to keep it in my living room but I think it kind of grossed people out. Apparently a clay Yukon Cornelius is fine but a clay larynx is weird.

3) What's one thing you'll never do again?
I hope to never return to adult driver's ed.

4) What's your nickname?
Red, but only if you're a scary old man working at a drugstore.

5) What's the biggest misconception people have about you?
Probably that I like them. I'm quite polite. Or, as Mark put it in his blog: Red would be great on some reality TV dating show. She'd be the only girl who'd think that she'd go on and cut people down and tell everyone exactly what she thought of them, but when she got there she'd be on her cell phone with me telling me the truth, and then when she'd be on dates with a bunch of losers she'd be nice to them and lead them on even though she has no interest in them, and be afraid to be honest with them because of her polite social party upbringing at Dirty Dancing as a child. I'd be on my cell phone? Does he know me at all?

6) What embarrasses you?
Every time I trip and fall, it's like the first time.

7) What's your favorite curse word? Why?
Freakin', which sits in for "really," "very," and also pinch hits as an adjective. I only bring out the hard stuff for special occasions.

8) What's the best/worst quality you inherited from your parents?
Best/worst from mom - spunk/ADD
Best/worst from dad - sense of humor/the bump on my nose

9) What do you want to do before you die?
Go to sleep. Have we determined if I'm worthy to have in my bed yet?

10) Would you date yourself?
Definitely. We're really compatible.