beach party

There appears to be a Laguna Beach marathon on MTV as we speak. Why was I not immediately informed? I love this show, as you might remember.

It's the graduation episode! They're lamenting about how "you'd think we'd have cuter" graduation gowns. The valedictorian is saying in her speech, "If only we had valet parking and a Starbucks, we wouldn't have been late to school so many times." Seriously, why is my cell phone not ringing?

Oh, that's funny, it just rang, but it was Mark and not related to this show. Damn it. They are now having a fashion show to the tune of "I Didn't Steal Your Boyfriend" by Ashlee Simpson. I'm about to hyperventilate.

Dorie is having none of this, so I'm going to have to change the channel.

WAIT A SECOND. LC is getting her own show? OK, but why is it not Kristin?

The channel just got changed. Boo.

Does anyone want to rent the first season and have a Laguna Beach drinking game? Because no one here with me tonight does. In fact I think my family hates me right now.

I haven't actually played a drinking game since, oh, 1997, but there's no time like the present. Here we go:

Drink every time:
-Steven's name is over-enunciated. Steve-EN!
-One of the girls describes something or someone as "so cute!" especially when it's something weird like a mosaic patio table.
-Kristin does a voice-over and says "but here in Laguna..."
-Somebody says the word "drama."
-Somebody makes out with Jason.
-Somebody decides they're totally done with Jason.
-Jason arrives and all the girls start analyzing him.
-Jason says something like "the waves were epic today."
-That really blond girl says something high-pitched and insincere about friendship.
-Someone says the name Talan or Deiter because who the hell is named that.
-Someone says "OH MY GOD" because they're happy.
-Someone says "OH MY GOD" because they're upset.
-Jessica sleeps with someone to get them to like her.
-Jessica is surprised when sleeping with someone to get them to like her doesn't work.
-Jessica's friends make fun of her.
-You'd be making fun of her if you were her friend, too.
-Somebody yells at somebody else over a cell phone.
-Somebody has a conversation with somebody else with their cell phone on speaker so that everyone else can participate.
-You think that Lauren probably invented the nickname "LC" to have a gimmicky little thing for herself but that she probably regretted it and that's why she tries to phase it out.
-Somebody is on screen who you think is probably bitter that they're not featured in the opening credits.
-It strikes you as funny that all these girls are basically identical and act the exact same, except some of them are best friends and others are sworn enemies.