uselessness, in survey form

What is your name spelled backwards?
Der.

Have you ever licked a 9 volt battery?
No. Are we doing this now?

What is the type of music you dislike the most?
Whiny, pretentious, why don't you love me I'm gonna die life is hard. What's up, Rufus?

How do people misspell your name?
They take out one of the Cs and put in a K.

How do people mispronounce your name?
No one does.

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
Are there stand-up restaurants?

When was the last time you swam in a pool?
Mexico, last summer. Kicked out at 3 AM. "Hola! Pool closed!"

Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
Yeah, but it would have to be an impulse decision; if I had too much time to think about it, I could scare myself out of it.

Have you ever run away from home?
Once I made it as far as the end of my driveway with my play doctor's kit. Where was I going? Medical school?

In your family, are you the oldest, younger, or middle child?
I'm all three. Can you crack that code, DaVinci?

Has a bird ever pooped on your head?
No, and I'm not entirely sure what I'd do in this situation. Well, obviously I'd try to clean it off. I'm sure I'd be on my way to a job interview, though.

Have you ever pulled an all nighter?
To study. Is that boring of me? Actually, I only did it once, in college, and it was to finish a paper, not study. I had heard that if you took a one hour nap the following day, you'd be fine. Because that makes so much sense. So I tried that and asked my friend Jared to wake me up in an hour. Turns out it's not true, and he immediately became my least favorite person on the planet. I almost did it a few times in grad school, but I'd always manage to get in a couple hours. Supergirl was saying the other day that wouldn't it be so cool if there was a doctorate in our field. All I could think was, no, no it really wouldn't. I haven't been out of school long enough yet to pine for it.

What's your favorite comic strip?
Calvin and Hobbes. I love how Calvin yells and rants and is extremely opinionated and he's like six.

Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
Shameful but true: I was the third runner up for the crown of Miss Teen Apple Orchard in 1991.

Orange juice or apple?
No, I'm kidding. But didn't it sound obscure enough to be true? Orange juice. Apple juice reminds me of being in kindergarten. Same with graham crackers and taking naps in the middle of the day.

Do you enjoy Nascar...watching cars go around and around a big track?
Thanks for the definition. No.

Did you have braces, and were you self-conscious?
Yes, in sixth grade, but it wasn't a big deal; everyone else had them too.

Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
I don't know, but I hope it's soon.

Favorite arcade game?
Spy Hunter! If you know of a Spy Hunter closer than the Canobie Lake Park arcade, please tell me, as I will go there immediately. I do a mean version of the theme song, too.

Ever ordered from an infomercial?
Yes, I ordered the Cool Rock CDs in college. Did my friends mock me endlessly? Yes. But did they obsessively love them and play them all the time? Yes. And did one of them eventually steal them and deny the theft to this day? Yes.

Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school/work?
No, but I'd consider going to medical school (I already have the doctor's kit) just to be able to eventually have a job that allowed me to wear scrubs and sneakers every day. I'm not even kidding. And not the horrifying kind with teddy bears or smiley faces; just the plain blue, thanks. I'd be so happy and comfortable and able to write prescriptions.

Ever thrown up in public?
I threw up on the bus in seventh grade coming home from a field trip. Luckily we had already pulled into my school parking lot, but still, not my finest moment.

Have you broken any bones?
Mike Simmons broke my wrist playing dodgeball in the sixth grade. The school nurse looked at it right after and told me it was fine. She was very competent. I broke my toe in high school. I've only had lame injuries, thankfully.

What message is on your voice mail?
Nothing worth noting, but my dad's is, "The occupants of this household are unavailable. Please leave a brief yet poignant message."

Would you change your last name if you became famous?
No.

Would you change your last name if you got married?
No.

Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?
For the most part I do, but ironically, as soon as someone else isn't tolerant or nice, I sort of hate them, so in a sense I need to be more tolerant of jerks, or at least not let them get to me.

Do you consider love a mistake?
Um, no?

What kind of backpack do you have, and what's in it?
I used to hate it when people had their three initials monogrammed on their green LL Bean backpack.

Do you have an alias?
I actually did, in college. It was Brittany Fairchild. But then Britney Spears came on the scene and my use of Brittany didn't seem as original.

Do you have a recurring dream?
Yes, of missing a bus. I don't even take a bus.

Are you easygoing or overbearing?
Would anyone really pick overbearing? If you're truly overbearing, you probably think you're easygoing.

Are you disciplined or lazy?
I have to force myself to be disciplined because my natural inclination is laziness.

Are you generally happy or sad?
Generally happy.

What were you like as a kid? Are you still like that now?
I was mostly a tomboy. I'm pretty much still one now, but with a fantastic collection of products.

Would you rather have guys or girls as friends?
I'd rather both. Men tend to be less complicated and are easy to have fun with. There's really nothing better than a great girlfriend, but nothing worse than a crappy one. I'm much pickier than I ever used to be when it comes to friendship; old age leaves me less capable of faking it and more into trusting my instincts.

What movie will you defend to the death, despite its unpopularity?
Contact.

What movie does everyone love but you hated?
There's Something About Mary.

Have you ever had to fuck stuff up for no good reason?
I don't think so, but I love this question.

Anything else to say?
I tend to think that Shakira's songs don't translate into English that well. Her hips don't lie? Huh?