don't mess with the bull, young man, you'll get the horns

Dave and I were talking about our parents' best idle threats when we were teenagers. You know, the things that would come out of their mouth when they were yelling at you for the 400th time and they just couldn't find it within themselves to make sense anymore. His dad once yelled, "You're trying to fuck with fire, but fire don't fuck!" I love that. One time I told my mom she was stupid and she came back with, "I'll stupid your head!" which really only proved my point.

Her favorite saying when I was growing up was, "Nine months with my head in a toilet, thirteen hours of labor, for THIS." But because of her slight Boston accent, the ending would always come out, "fahTHIS."

My dad once told me that if I slammed my bedroom door again he'd take it off the hinges, but other than that he didn't really get mad at me, I think because he usually understood me.

He was at my apartment fixing my modem the other day, and he noticed that one of my old Sweet Valley High books was on my bookshelf right next to Crime and Punishment. He pointed to it and said, "That sums you up pretty well."

Then I told him I was reading C&P (because I already read all the Sweet Valleys in fourth grade) and he took it out and said, "Where's your bookmark?"

That's so my dad. No yelling, but incessant ball-busting.