Top Five Dream Jobs
1. Woman of leisure
2. Opinionated socialite
3. Heavily medicated socialite
4. My current job, only more money
5. The most popular girl on Laguna Beach. How badly do I want to remake the opening credits with my own friends in it?
Top Five Places I'd Like To Visit
Secret answer: Mr. Toad's Wild Ride
Top Five Crushes
1. Jason Varitek
2. Vince Vaughn
3. Ben Affleck, circa Armageddon
4. John Cusack, Paul Rudd, same difference
5. Ron King, this guy I used to work with a hundred years ago (oh whatever, if he ever were to find this he should only be flattered)
Secret answer: That guy from the movie Step Up
Top Five Movies I Want to See
1. The Puffy Chair
2. The Last Kiss
4. The Oh in Ohio
5. The Pursuit of Happiness
Secret answer: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Top Five Underrated Movies
1. Kissing Jessica Stein
2. Vanilla Sky
3. Leo and Clarie's Romeo & Juliet
5. Bruce Almighty
Top Five Movies That I Wanted to Die During
1. Meet Joe Black
3. Sleepless in Seattle
4. The English Patient
Top Five Movies That I Know Every Word To
4. Reality Bites
Top Five Beverages
1. Diet Pepsi
3. Orange juice
4. Chardonnay (red stains my teeth. yesitdoes.)
5. Wachusett blueberry beer
Secret answer: I put flavored sparkling water in wine. Only at home, of course. It's still tacky. I basically create my own wine coolers. Why does anyone still talk to me?
Top Five Opportunities For Awkward Conversations
1. When you apologize to the person coming out of the public bathroom for shaking the door while they were in there, because you didn't know if it was a one-person stall or if the door was just sticking. And you're also sorry for trying it a second time about thirty seconds after you first tried it because you weren't completely convinced that it wasn't just sticking.
2. You're in an elevator and someone gets on and says "nice day" and you say "isn't it?" and then you ride up 3,000 floors together agonizingly slowly in total silence because weather small talk can only get you so far on a beautiful day.
3. On hold with a customer service rep who says, "It'll just be a moment, our computers are slow today" and you both just sit there breathing.
4. When someone's telling a joke, and you smile halfway through, and they say, "Oh, you know this one?" and you feel kind of bad for letting on but then they stop telling it and look kind of defeated and then you feel really bad.
5. At the Cherry Tree, when a guy that Party Jen hooked up with a few weeks ago walks by and says hello and suddenly three grown people realize that they have absolutely nothing to say to each other.
Top Five Famous People That I'd Like to be Swallowed Into the Fiery Depths of Hell
1. Carson Daly
2. James Blunt
3. John Mayer
5. Carson Daly, again, just to make sure he's good and dead
Top Five Respones to "Is It True What They Say About Redheads?"
5. No hablo ingles.
Top Five Song Titles That Are Popular According to iTunes But Also Sound Like Text Messages I've Sent Recently
Call Me When You're Sober
Where's Your Head At?
What Was I Thinkin'?
Top Five (Well, Four) Songs That I Sang To Mark Yesterday in the Car While We Were Stuck in Traffic Even Though He Didn't Really Like It Because He Wanted Me To Stop and Focus on Helping Him Think About Where to Get Food But I Mean When These Songs Come on the Radio You Can't Not Rock Out a Little Bit
Let's Stay Together by Al Green
This Is How We Do It by Montell Jordan (see the world's been good to me, ever since I was a lowercase g, but now I'm a big G, the girls see I got the money, got the dollar billz, y'all)
I Could Not Ask For More by Edwin McCain (smilin' just to see the smile upon your fay-a-yace)
As I Lay Me Down by Sophie B. Hawkins (this would have been my song if I had been a dead serious, unsmiling a capella girl in college... best part is the background singers continuously and inexplicably belting out "uno gato"... one cat!)