Well, if you people are going to keep sending me surveys, I'm going to keep taking them. Especially when they're so delightfully inane, not unlike yours truly.
Happy weekend, all!
Do you sleep with your closet door open or closed?
Closed. I wouldn't be able to sleep if it was open. (I know... trust me, I know.)
Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels?
Only if they're high-end. I hear the W hotels have Aveda products. Whee!
Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
No, I wouldn't even know how to go about doing this. But if I ever saw a Red Street, you know I’d be showing up at 3 AM with a stick of dynamite and a disapproving lookout buddy.
Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
Uh. Great. I'm going to go with bees, because it would probably be slightly less terrifying than a giant bear coming at me. I'm probably dying either way though, huh?
What is your biggest pet peeve?
Toppers. "You think THAT'S bad? Listen to what happened to ME." "I know you're not done with your story yet but it sounds JUST LIKE the time that I..." It's one thing to exchange stories, quite another to have no concept of anyone on the planet other than yourself.
Do you ever dance if there's no music playing?
Is it wrong if my answer to this is "yes, constantly"? And does singing to myself count? Lately I've been obsessed with Walk Away by Kelly Clarkson. I know, but what can I say? I find that the feisty beginning ("You got your mother and your brother every other undercover telling you what to say...SAY!") is way more interesting than just picking up your phone and saying "hello?" I want people to think I have one of those ringback phones but then realize it's actually me singing to greet them.
What's your favorite scary movie?
I have no favorites! Scary movies have ruined my life.
Where would you bury hidden treasure?
Why am I burying it? I'm out drinking it, hello.
What is your "song of the week"?
You got your mother and your brother every other undercover telling you what to say...SAY! See, wasn't that fun? Maybe it's better in person.
Is it OK for guys to wear pink?
I once watched a train wreck occur between two of my friends over this very "issue."
What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Kissing Jessica Stein. Dazed and Confused. Reality Bites. Back to the Future. Armageddon, for Ben Affleck's slo-mo walk in that orange spacesuit. Oh my.
Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
I was a girl scout until like fourth grade, but I hated it. I told my mom how I felt, and she told me she'd always thought it was kinda lame too and it was OK if I wanted to quit.
What is your usual bedtime?
I try to be asleep by 11. 3 at the latest.
When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
Oh God, everything. An M&M, a bunny, a clown, a tiger... one time I was Pebbles Flinstone, and a woman opened her door and looked at my friends and then at me and said, "Oh, look, a, uh... cavewoman!"
How many languages can you speak?
Who is better... Leno or Letterman?
Conan. Keep cool, my babies.
Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
Writer, crimefighter, fort builder, popsicle eater, Ewok.
Cheetos or Fritos?
I haven't seen either of those products since like 1986.
Astronomy or astrology?
Uh, seriously? Astronomy.
Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
Why yes, actually, he's a catcher for the Red Sox who's on the DL right now. Is that too specific a request? I do NOT want Mirabelli as a consolation prize.
How well would you adapt to living in an Amish community?
Uh, considering that my friends call my apartment Red's House of Booty, I'm thinking I wouldn't fit in so well. (And that name is not because of my shenanigans, it's because of THEIRS!)
Put your iPod on random. What song comes up?
Steppin' Out by Joe Jackson. I love this song!
Do you burn incense?
Not since like freshman year of college. It was too hippie for me even then.
Hot tea or cold tea?
Tea or coffee?
Can you swim well?
Can you hold your breath without manually holding your nose?
Um, yes. And so can you. Oh, do you mean while swimming? Yeah, I thought only little kids held their noses.
Which are better, black or green olives?
I'd love to ask this of the guy who pioneered the concept of the endlessly complicated olive bar and just watch his head explode from the enormity of the question.
Do you have any godchildren?
Yes, one... my cousin. His name is Chris and he looks just like me, just like what my brother would've looked like if I'd had one. Huh. Maybe he IS my brother.
Red Roof or Econolodge?
Don't even talk to me. I stayed at a Red Roof on the way to Canada and I didn't want to touch anything there. I'm sorry, I know it probably makes me a horrific snob, but I don't understand paying money to stay at a hotel that's significantly crappier than my own home.
Do you like to go camping?
I like everything about it except sleeping in the tent and peeing in the woods. So, in other words: NO. What am I, a goddamn pioneer?
Are you suddenly realizing that maybe you're more high-maintenance than you're willing to admit?
So much so that I just wrote that question for myself. Also, Material Girl just came on my iPod. No, I'm just kidding. It's Papa Don't Preach. I'm keeping my baby. Don't be upset.
If your parents are still married, do they have a good marriage?
When they're not sending my newborn brother off to be raised by other family members, you mean? Well... yes, they seem to have a good marriage, but it always sort of amuses me. My parents are literally polar opposites. My dad is brilliant but can be very emotionally detached, while my mom is flighty but very nurturing. My dad is very shy and my mom befriends everyone she meets. My mom is overdramatic to an alarming degree and my dad is underdramatic to about the same degree. I have absolutely no idea how they've made it work, except that they just laugh at each other's quirks, they're always having fun, and they freakin' adore each other. Who knows? Compatability is an interesting thing.
What is your favorite episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air?
I don't know, but my favorite episode of Blossom was one of the "very special" ones where she wanted to sleep with her boyfriend and he wasn't ready yet. It's such a common problem among teenage boys, I'm glad that someone finally addressed it.