When Frosty melts. What's the lesson here? That someday everyone we love will die so we might as well enjoy them while we can? Fine, I guess that's an okay lesson. But I still can't hear "Frosty the Snowman knew the sun was hot that day..." without being overwhelmed with dread. My mom claims that when I was little I would become hysterical following Frosty's demise. What a treat I must have been.
When Hermey and Rudolph have to run away together because no one at home can deal with their socially unacceptable nose/fact that they want to be a dentist. Like there's anything wrong with rhinoplasty/dental school? And then the poor bastards end up on the Island of Misfit Toys, which is sort of like claymation's homage to New Jersey, with nary a licensed plastic surgeon or bubble gum-flavored fluoride treatment.
Two words: Christmas Shoes. I'll be experiencing a massive personal trauma like a long line at Bloomingdale's or the effort of avoiding the forlorn gaze of the Salvation Army bell ringer, and then I hear this song, and I suddenly want to cuddle with a homeless person and cut up my Mastercard. Kind of.
A Very Brady Christmas. Have you seen this? It's so great. And it ends with (SPOILER ALERT) Mike getting trapped in one of his buildings as it's collapsing. Personally, I'd rather see the incompetent architect go down with his own crappily built ship rather than an innocent office manager who just works in the damn place. But no worries, Carol sings O Come All Ye Faithful, and Mike is able to toss aside the ninety ton cement slabs than he's pinned beneath. In an emergency situation, it can be tough to decide between calling 911 or Christmas caroling, but thankfully she made the right call. (Miraculously, Carol's singing not only helped Mike emerge unscathed, but Kitty Carryall was also plucked from the rubble, Cindy spontaneously lost her lisp, and Jan suddenly felt okay just being Jan.)
Charlie Brown and his bag of woes. How old is he, like eight? Why is life so difficult? Where the hell are their parents? Charlie just wants to have fun, his friends all mock him, and he incessantly wonders what it's all about. Shut up, I see absolutely no similarities.