Tuesday, November 14, 2006

One Day at a Time

As the year draws to a close, it's time to reflect. Time to ponder. Time to buy a new day-to-day calendar!

I love day-to-day calendars. Love! Them! I don't really know why. I keep one in my bathroom, and every morning when I wake up I tear off a new page and then I just feel like I own the day. It's a special feeling, you guys.

It's also a commitment. I can't spend the year with just any old pile of paper and glue. This year I was happy to share my tooth-brushing with Jon Stewart. But since I can't really bear the idea of this, and I don't think there's a House of Carters calendar yet (why the hell not, though), I need some ideas.

The Complete Runner's Day-by-Day Log and Calendar 2007: Start small, Red, like maybe going to the gym occasionally.

Mary Engelbreit's The Happy Side of Me 2007 Day-to-Day Calendar: I'm a little touched by all the sweetness and light, but stuff like "Life is a bouquet of love and hearts" would inevitably start pissing me off by, say, January third.

Jeopardy! 2007 Day-to-Day Calendar: Ooh, the useless information I could spew forth. Can you imagine having a conversation with me? I'd be categorizing everything and only asking questions.

365 New Words-A-Year Page-A-Day Calendar 2007: I could be SO SMART by 2007. I mean 2008. While I'm at it, I should get a calendar that helps me learn what year it is.

Shoes Gallery Calendar 2007: Good morning! Look what you can't afford!

The Wine Lover's Page-A-Day Calendar 2007: Good morning! Look what you can't drink until after work!

The Civil War 2007 Day-to-Day Calendar: Do you have to wait until December of 2007 to find out how it ends? Spoiler alert: Sell your slaves now because they're about to be so two centuries ago.

Zelda Wisdom 2007 Day-to-Day Calendar: I was hoping this was going to be advice from the little guy with the gold sword, but it appears to not be that at all. What would Link have to share with us? "Always keep your shield up and stab people who are mean to you"?

Medical Bloopers 2007 Day-to-Day Calendar: I don't know about you, but misdiagnoses and malpractice sure spell early morning comedy to me.

Becky Kelly's Enchanted Little Moments 2007 Mini Day-to-Day Calendar: Shove it, Becky.

The Best of 14,000 Things To Be Happy About Calendar 2007: Becky, seriously. Give it a rest.

Bible Verses in a Box 2007 Calendar: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, BECKY.

I still haven't found one. Please send help.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

haha, for the Jeopardy! calendar you should have said "Who started phrasing everything in the form of a question after getting this?" or "Shortly after receiving this, she started saying everything in question form."

Ken Jennings: "Who is Red?"

-Tim

guinness girl said...

Heh. I have a NY Times crossword day-by-day calendar, and it is still on the page for April 14. I do not recommend purchasing this one.

Libragirl said...

I don't have a day to day calendar. My favorite thing to get is the pocket calendars that you carry with you. I LOVE THEM I look and look and look. I just got one...for Mom's on the go. I had to get it to help organize my sister's life.

My regular calendar is one my sister in law and brother make. A monthly I hang at work with pictures of the nephews and niece.

I love new calendar time.

dave said...

I've only had one day by day calendar, and it was a Far Side comic one. It ended up making my desk very messy, as I ended up saving more than half of the days ripped off, because I loved them too much to toss.

nancy said...

my sister once gave me a day-by-day calendar of bumperstickers for my desk at work. everyone circled by once a day to read it. one of my favorites was: "If it has tires or testicles, it's gonna give you trouble".

Killer said...

How about "the schizophrenic's day to day calender"? Everyday will have a new mood and cause for you to act out.
Jan, 4...Paranoid, there is a black van out front watching you. Put your aluminum foil helmet on and sneak out the back door.
July, 7...Manic, put on whorish make up and try to have sex with twenty guys today.
Every day would be a new adventure.

stefanie said...

Personally I'm partial to the Simpsons Trivia page-a-day calendar, though I can't say I've ever actually owned one myself. Which is probably just as well, as I have only a few friends who actually appreciate my ability to call up the appropriate Simpsons reference for every situation.

This year I've been mostly ignoring a page-a-day horoscope calendar that my mom bought me. I have no idea why she bought it.

Love the Civil War one, by the way. Your comment on it, I mean. Not the actual calendar.

Anonymous said...

yo becca.... are these really your friends or are they your imaginary friends? just checking... I mean, if they're not real, that's ok. I still like you.

Red said...

Sarah, you are so not allowed to real-name me in my blog! That's the big guns right there.

Anyway, they're all very real to me. And sometimes, at night, they tell me to do things.

Evil things.

nabbalicious said...

I can never remember to turn the pages on those things, so therefore, I don't really like them. But I love getting new calendars -- and you can never have too many -- because one of my favorite rituals is to sit down and meticulously write in all the important dates coming up that year.

Anonymous said...

I personally used 365 Bottles of Beer for the Year calendar this past year. It gave me motivation every day.