Friday, December 22, 2006

Stealing, Lying, and More Things To Like About Christmas

Last night on the news they were discussing how hoodlums broke into a church in the middle of the night and stole money from the priest's office. First of all, if you're breaking in anywhere, why a church? Second of all, do you think there's a special place in hell reserved for people who steal cash from a priest right before Christmas? I'm not saying it's all that far from the special place reserved for people who insisted on wearing blue to their first communion (me) or didn't get confirmed (me again) but I do think some special consideration must be given. Third of all, the church officials kept saying how saddened they were because that money was intended for the needy. As far as I'm concerned, anyone who breaks and enters for $40 is probably pretty damn needy, so mission accomplished, gentlemen.

Of course, this is coming from someone who, while babysitting Dorie's kids last night and trying unsuccessfully to get them to calm down and go to bed, ended up putting Santa in her cell phone. Nothing like bringing the big guy into the 21st century, right? I held up my phone to show them: "Look who I'm calling, you guys... hello, Santa? How are you? Listen, I'm having some trouble getting the kids into bed. No, no, they're good kids, you know that. And I'm not saying you should send any of their presents back, buuuut..."

By that point, they had gone from screaming bloody murder to under the covers, wide-eyed and silent. And now the "recently dialed" section of my phone is endlessly entertaining: Melissa, Carly, Mardi, Santa, Kate. I might leave him on there; I bet he hardly gets any calls/letters/faxes/telegrams/prayers/shout-outs after the holidays.

Merry whateveryou'reinto, blogfriends!

5 comments:

zorak163 said...

I know someone who works at a church. Her wallet was stolen last week by a woman who came in looking for some of the free furniture that the church gives to people in need...

don't call me MA'AM said...

I'm pretty sure you're correct about that special place in hell. Stupid people.

In addition to Santa, we had "Ingrid the Mean Babysitter" on speed dial. She lived in an old abandoned house that we always passed on a certain highway. At least, that's what we told the kids. Worked every time. Well, until they grew up. ;-) Still waiting for my Mom of the Year award... it must have gotten lost in the mail.

nabbalicious said...

I used to pretend like I was calling the police. That scared them straight! Of course, until their mom asked me to stop that, because they were afraid of all policemen...

Merry Christmas!

metalia said...

You made me sad at first with the story about the asshole church thieves, but then cracked me the hell up with the Santa threat. Brilliant move.

Merry Christmas, Red :)

Darren McLikeshimself said...

I want to know why in 2006 anyone's keeping money anywhere OTHER than a bank.