2. Some guy was chatting up Mardi and asked what I did for a living. I told him I was a heart surgeon and he looked appropriately impressed. "Wow! You save lives!" I smiled, trying my best to look both humble and brilliant. "Every day."
3. Some other guy was chatting up Mardi and pontificating about how he likes to "go down." I interjected to ask him if he also likes to go up. He hadn't heard of this before but was intrigued. So I made some shit up and told him that women love it.
4. I decided that messing with the heads of Mardi's man candy is my new favorite hobby.
5. I changed my MySpace song to High on You by Survivor. That's right I did. Let me tell you 'bout the girl I met last night...
6. I finally emerged from my grief and said,
Mocking the dead? Assaulting people in bars? Teaching strange men sexual positions that don't exist? Giving props to one of the most horrific 80s soft rock bands? And all in one night? I'm going straight to hell.