Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Tripping Down Memory Lane, or I Was One Disturbed 8-Year-Old

Witness these debacles that Kate uncovered while willingly organizing my horrific nightmare of an office I just found in my office, circa 1985:

It was bedtime. Crstayl Barbie, Golden Dream, Loving You, Great Shape, Tracy the Bride, and Peaches & Cream were having a party. It was 9:30 when Dream went to bed. Then Loving wispeard to her sister, "Peaches & Cream, want to look at Crstayl's engagement ring?" Peaches wispeard back "sure!" Crstayl had an engagement! Ken was marrying her. The dimond glowed. Everyone was happy.

Seems there was something else I was thinking about in my childhood besides establishing a charm necklace trading conglomerate and whose turn it was on the zipline. I enjoy/want to die over the fact that I couldn't spell whisper or crystal, but engagement, I had down. Also: Loving You?

She-ra as you all know was the first girl born after adam and eve died. Some say she still lives but she really did, once! Let me tell you the story. There were three people known as Glimmer Shine, Angela, and Evil Catra!

Who says the middle child gets ignored?

Once there was a little girl she had a friend her name was Lauren. The little girls name was Daisy. They were called the clover kids because they loved clovers. Every day after school they would sit in a clover pacth and stare at them.

Fun for everyone. Continue.

One day it was Monday and Lauren was waking up. She caught sight of the newspaper. She read 8 paragfhs.

When in doubt, throw in more consonants.

"Oh no! They are going to cut all the clover pacths down!" How would she tell Daisy?

It would probably be more like a a mass plucking, right? And who is this "they" hating on clovers?

There once was a beautiful girl. She was trying to survive thru a horrid tonato. She scearmed for help. Her dog rosey bumped into a hard tree and died.

Never was a dog person.

Caroline Carsala was eight years old and in second grade. She had a cat she loved so much that when it was sleeping she thought it was dead.

Dear God, Little Red.

One day it was Saturday and Caroline went to see her cat as she always did. Pussy wasn't sleeping in her little box! "Pussy! PUSSY! Pussy come back!" She looked up on the tree. Pussy was hanging from it!

Thanks for your time. I'll show myself out.

13 comments:

Killer said...

I would like to hear more about the the last story. You could probably send that one in to Penthouse.

Melissa said...

HahahahahahahahaHAHAAAA!!

I love these way too much. I lost it at "a hard tree." And not even for any perverted reasons, it's just... maybe Rosey could have had a chance, if only she had bumped into a soft tree.

stefanie said...

Good lord, I am dying here. "She-ra as you all know was the first girl born after adam and eve died." Well, sure. We all know that, right? It's right there in the Bible, isn't it?

And "They were called the clover kids because they loved clovers." Seems reasonable enough. And who doesn't like clovers, right?

Even your eight-year-old self cracks me up, Red.

Married Jen said...

Oh my gosh Red, you are hilareeus!

kate said...

Why is there a stipper undertone to all your characters' names?

"Crstayl Barbie, Golden Dream, Loving You, Great Shape, Tracy the Bride, and Peaches & Cream"

kate said...

P.S. I can't believe I risked life and limb to save that.

Lola said...

HAAAAAAA!!! Twisted, funny and sad all at the same time, especially for Rosey and the tree!

don't call me MA'AM said...

Note to self: do not read Red's posts while you are at work. Stifling loud laughter is not your forte, and you end up sounding like you are choking on your coffee. Loser.

Poor rosey. And She-Ra. Oh. My God. Hilarious!!!

Miss Fire said...

Holy Mother of God! So funny. Just so funny. I'm at a loss for words......

Red said...

Hee! Thanks guys. I would have keep a child psychologist very busy.

Red said...

Would have KEPT. I can talk.

Jaek said...

I haven't laughed that hard in a while...Glimmer Shine, Angela, and Evil Catra.

I have been struggling with character names for my novel, but thanks to this post, I now know who to turn to...Great Shape, indeed.

P.S. I'm back.

metalia said...

This is hilarous! Also, I totally had that Peaches & Cream Barbie.

Also, I love this:

"Let me tell you the story. There were three people known as Glimmer Shine, Angela, and Evil Catra!"

Gotta love a story that consists of one sentence.