What a Doll

Since I scare way too easily, I don't watch scary movies or read scary books or watch scary TV shows. Works for me. You do what you have to do in order to live on the planet.

Some of my students scare easily too, but considering they're all between three and eleven years old, I try not to hold it against them. The only time it sucks is when I have to be the grown up. (Now there's my REAL essence sentence.)

It's not that I mind comforting a scared kid. I'm not made of stone, people. I mean, as long as they're not interrupting my lunch or my coffee break or my other coffee break. So long as I'm on the clock, I'm there for them. Children are beautiful.

The problem is that everyone who has ever watched a scary movie knows that the shit starts to go down as soon as some stupid character stupidly tells another stupid character something along the lines of: "There's nothing to be afraid of!" "There's no such thing as [scary thing]!" "It's all make believe!" Call me crazy (no, really, you probably should) but I don't like tempting fate. So you can imagine how much I love conversations like this one:

Kid: Is it true that you can't talk if you don't have a tongue?
Me: Um, yes.
Kid: So if someone rips out your tongue, you can't talk anymore?
Me: What are... oh, are you talking about that movie?
Kid: Yeah.
Me: Oh, sweetie, that's all make believe. [I hope.]
Kid: No, there's this really scary woman and she dies but she comes back...
Me: It's just a silly movie. None of it is real. [But I REALLY don't want to talk about it anymore.] Think about Cars: can cars talk in real life? That was pretend, too.
Kid: But the dolls come to life and kill all these people...
Me: It's all made up, I promise. Dolls aren't real. They're just dolls.

Gah. I'll be the first to turn up without a tongue. Or a head. Tell my family that I love them.