Monday, May 14, 2007

Still Waiting on That Stereo, By the Way

On Saturday night Matt and I were at a black tie soiree in downtown Boston Stop and Shop buying Mother's Day cards. As usual, I went crazy with glee over the singing cards. The sound quality is so good! One of them plays Truly by Lionel Ritchie! Would someone please send me one of these cards already?!

Apparently I was a little too enthusiastic about them because as we were leaving some guy turned to Matt and said, "You need to buy her a stereo, pal." To which I believe Matt said something to the effect of, "Yeah, really."

Once it sank in that this guy had basically been making fun of us (well, me), Matt proceeded to spend the next two days revisiting this incident and crafting a more clever response. These gems ranged from "I'm not your PAL" to various puns related to musical equipment. The last version that I heard involved lighter fluid and physical violence. I tried to tell him that his actual response was fine in that anything more involved would have made me think he was CRAZY, but he was undaunted in his pursuit of the perfect airtight comeback.

Personally, I think great comebacks are overrated. You always remember the bad ones, anyway. For example, one time in high school I told my mom she was stupid, and she fired back with, "I'll stupid your head." Another favorite of mine was the time that Dave's dad yelled at him, "You're trying to fuck with fire, but fire don't fuck!"

Lesson learned: Next time some random stranger semi-insults you, instead of stewing for days about what you should have said, just tell them you'll [adjective] their head. Guaranteed they'll remember you forever.

9 comments:

Matt said...

Ok, let's clear this up. My reply to his comment was a very sarcastic "But this is more fun!" Another random guy in the aisle piped in with "It's cheaper, too." You are right, though, I should have just said "I'll stereo your head!!" : )

Red said...

There was a third guy? Gah, everyone's a comedian.

Matt said...

Yeah, I liked him because he seemed to be on our side. Do you think he spent the weekend thinking of more clever responses, too?

Red said...

I really don't.

LC said...

I love those comebacks! Damn. Parents losing their cool are the most awesome thing.

Darren McLikeshimself said...

Sure, but "Yeah, really" doesn't hold much of a candle to "fire don't fuck!"

nabbalicious said...

I'm so stealing the "I'll [whatever] your head!" line. That's hilarious!

I do this, too, though -- spend days coming up with snappy comeback lines.

metalia said...

Oh, whatever. Those cards are awesome, and I cannot blame you at all for your glee. Also? I, too, devote way too much time to post-fact comebacks. Sigh.

Killer said...

I think it is better to just yell whatever comes to mind, then the other person will spend the entire weekend wondering what THEY should have said back.

Something like, "I WILL SHIT IN YOUR SHOES!"