1. Do you like cheese?
Oh sure, start with the one that makes me look crazy. I mostly don't like cheese. There are exceptions when it's melted, because I like pizza and grilled cheese sandwiches so long as they're not super cheesy. Please invite me to your wine and cheese parties anyway because I would be happy to enjoy your wine.
2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
It's tempting, but I hear detox is a bitch. Right Lins?
3. Do you own a gun?
No! And if I did, it's probably a good thing that I'm not also on heroin. Because drugs and guns lead to drive-bys, right? ISWEARTOGOD the first time around I type drive-thru. I'm so street.
4. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Sometimes, but not usually.
5. What do you think of hot dogs?
They're either great or totally gross. I only eat them at barbecues or Fenway. Actually, that's probably the only time anyone ever eats hot dogs. They're everyone's summer boyfriend and then we break up with them in the fall for filet mignon.
6. What's your favorite Christmas song?
I love all Christmas songs, starting the first of December. I'm that person.
7. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
I'm not a coffee person so I just drink water. But I'd prefer a mojito.
8. Can you do push ups?
No, nor do I feel even the slightest inkling of a need to.
9. Is your bathroom clean?
10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
I have some necklaces that I've received as gifts that I have some sentimental attachment to, but I never wear them. I wear earrings sometimes. I'm a boy.
13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
14. Do you have A.D.D.?
16. Middle name?
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
I have to get my sheets out of the dryer. I need a haircut. And based on the five minutes that I saw of it, I have a sneaking suspicion that I Hate My 30s isn't going to be as hilarious as I want it to be.
18. Name the last 3 things you have bought?
Three books: Heat by Bill Buford (finally in paperback, yay!), Happiness Sold Separately by Lolly Winston, and Special Topics in Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl.
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink.
Diet Pepsi, water, white grape-flavored sparkling water.
20. Current worry?
WHY CAN'T I CLEAN MY OFFICE? It's been a pit for like two years now. Seriously. I'm an animal. I'm going to take a picture of it and post it here in order to shame myself into finally cleaning it.
21. Current hate?
Every time I flip past Mix 98.5 on the radio in the morning, I die a thousand deaths when I hear Kelly Malone talking. She's like Access Hollywood in human form. She never has anything intelligent to say and she has a totally generic top 40 personality. Once I heard her quote a book she was reading that taught her that every time you ask "Do I look okay?" what you're really asking is "Am I good enough?" which she discussed like it was a brilliant philosophical revelation. She drank beer at Fenway after paint chips fell in it and once said her greatest fear in life is getting fat. Need I go on?
22. Favorite place to be?
With my friends and/or family.
23. How did you bring in the New Year?
I had friends over and made potent Bay Breezes. Fine, we may have also handcuffed ourselves to each other and run around outside.
24. Where would you like to go?
I'd love to be on a tropical vacation right now. I'm not picky. Beach, sand, book, sunblock, me happy.
27. Do you own slippers?
No, I hate slippers.
28. What are you wearing?
Shorts and a tank top.
29. Do you burn or tan?
30. Favorite color?
31. Would you be a pirate?
Does it come with a healthcare package? Arr.
32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I don't sing in the shower. I actually turn the radio up really loud so I can hear the music but I don't sing.
35. What's in your pocket right now?
36. Last thing that made you laugh?
On Sunday I got a text from a work friend telling me that she brought a 22-year-old Brazilian (male) stripper home with her the night before. Then I got the story in person and it was even better than I hoped for.
37. Best bed sheets as a child?
38. Worst injury you've ever had?
Random broken bones, nothing horrible.
41. Who is your loudest friend?
Lucretia can't keep her damn mouth shut. Love ya anyway, Lu!
42. Who is your most silent friend?
Definitely Thurston. Speak up, buddy.
43. Does someone have a crush on you?
Does anyone not?
45. What is your favorite book?
Travels With Charley by John Steinbeck. Kind of a ghetto, scruffy Eat Pray Love. With a dog named Charley.
46. What is your favorite candy?
M&Ms. In related news, I always claim to never get PMS, and yet this afternoon found me alone at a movie theater watching No Reservations with a bag of sour patch kids and peanut butter M&Ms. So, yeah. Hormones anyone?
47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
I don't care. I'm dead!
49. What were you doing at 12 AM last night?
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
Thunder! Ooh. (I apparently formulate thoughts as extensive as a puppy when I'm waking up.)