More Surveyaliciousness

I realized why I like doing blog surveys: narcissism! It's the new bipolar disorder.

1. What is your best friend's mom's name?
Mrs. Whatever. When it comes to parents, I can't do first names. Although Jen started the inexplicable tradition of calling my dad LJ, which is somehow hysterical because it's the last nickname he could ever pull off. He would need a motorcycle and tattoos and a pack of squealing women following behind him. Which he usually has anyway, that pimp.

2. What body part do you hate the most?
Blah, I don't know. This is the summer of owning all of it, anyway. My version of owning it so far has been to hit my tummy and yell "I OWN THIS!" when drinking with friends.

3. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had?
I actually never had any young teachers, and none of the oldsters really did it for me. It took awhile for me to realize that you could even have a teacher who was under fifty because all of mine were close to retirement. Dorie's kids go to the same elementary school that I went to, and when we were comparing teachers I told them that mine must be dead working in other schools now. But then it turned out that my old gym teacher is still there. I have no idea how. It's twenty years later, and he was old back then. They must just prop up what's left of him in the corner and he uses his disembodied voice to give instructions for how to play capture the flag.

4. Have you ever made out in a movie theater?
Ha, yes. That was the best. It was the only time you were guaranteed to not be interrupted by parents.

5. What body part do you wash first?
Maybe this is weird, but I wash behind my ears first.

6. Do you have any piercings?
Just my ears. I almost got my eyebrow pierced in college. Obviously I would have taken it out years ago, but, ha. I'm not sure what I was thinking.

7. Is your driveway steep?
I don't really have a driveway. I live in a condo.

8. What's your favorite flavored Pringles?
I'm not sure, I haven't had Pringles in years. I like sour cream and onion, though.

9. Have you ever been tied up?
I haven't. I wanted to add "yet" but that seems creepy, somehow. Very arched eyebrow coy.

10-12. Where you at?
I know, right?

13. Have you ever had two dates in one night?
Ha, sort of, but it wasn't planned ahead of time. I came home from one date and wasn't ready to go to bed and so I called this other guy who had been asking me to go out for awhile (clearly he was high up on my priority list) and told him I'd meet him in the city. We made out in the back of this weird Spanish club. I love how I talk about this like I was 21 and it wasn't last summer.

14. How many times have you been cursed at?
I'm sure gajillions. Bring it! I'm terrible at comebacks so you know you'll win.

15. Which shoe do you put on first?
I think right.

16. How old are you?
29. It's an interesting age because according to the greeting card industry, it's the age that everyone wants to be. I'm bracing for twenty ten. It doesn't help that VH1 is debuting a series called I Hate My 30s. I thought you guys were my friends! (In all seriousness, I'm pretty much over the turning 30 thing. I'd much rather be 30 than 20 again. I'm glad I got to live it up back in the day but I'm kind of over killing brain cells. No I'm not! Where's the wine?)

17. Have you ever been to a gay bar?
Yeah, and I specifically remember one where they were playing gay porn on all the TVs. I learned a lot.

18. Have you ever had any friends with benefits?
Yeah, here and there, guys that I liked but couldn't date in real life.

19. Is there one thing all of your love interests have had in common?
They all dug this fine package. I mean, I don't know.

20. Did you French kiss before you were 16?
Yeah. Probably not well.

21. Have you ever been cow-tipping or snipe-hunting?
OH MY GOD yes to the latter. Every year in my elementary school the fourth grade class went on a trip to Vermont and we went snipe hunting one night and it was so much fun. The most anticlimatic part was that they didn't even officially tell us afterwards that snipes aren't real, which is supposed to be the big comic reveal. We just kind of heard about it and passed it along and went to bed. Also, I didn't shower for five days. This one girl Jill showered and we made fun of her. A few years ago when they were organizing our ten year high school reunion, someone sent out a spreadsheet confirming everyone's addresses and someone had put in that Jill lived at 15 Huge Bitch Lane or something, and she got mad. I don't think the two stories are related, but police are investigating.

22. Who is the last person you usually think about before you fall asleep?
I don't know, I guess it depends.

23. Have you ever had a song written about you?
Yes, but nothing on the Top 40 countdown. How great would it be if I could be like, hmm, let me think, oh yeah, LoveStoned.

24. Where did 24 go?
I don't know. The show? I hope it's GONE FOREVER.

25. Have you ever found anything in your parents' bedroom that was questionable?
No. I looked through their drawers one time and found all the cards I'd ever made for my mom, which made me feel like a bad person so I stopped looking. I'm going to make sure to lock up the flavored cock rings so my kids don't find them.

26. What was your childhood nickname?
Everyone has always called me Bec, and when I was younger I got Becky, but I've always hated that one. One of my friends and I called each other Beuker (boo-ker) although I don't remember why. My mom has always called me Pie. Neither one of us particularly like pie so analyze that how you will.

27. When is the last time you played the air guitar?
Never, I have to say.

28. Have you ever peeked in the opposite sex's locker room?
No, I don't imagine that I'd observe anything particularly hot.

29. What's the weirdest thing you have done while driving?
I changed my shirt once. It doesn't sound like much but when you're suddenly topless on the highway you definitely have a OHMYGOD moment.

30. Have you ever bitten your toenails?
No, I couldn't even if I wanted to.

31. How do you normally eat your Oreo cookies?
Take them apart, eat the DELICIOUS white stuff (learn to love the lard, Carly) and then the cookies.

32. WHERE IS 32?
Again, don't know!

33. Name something you do when you're alone that you wouldn't do in front of others?
I probably would not (ahem) fully enjoy Skinimax in front of others. If I'm going to get caught, I at least want it to be while watching something respectable like Asian double penetration.

34. Where's 34?
Again, not sure.

35. And 35?
35 is the age when I hope to be mommy blogging up a storm.

36. How many drinks does it take before you get drunk?
Depends on the drink and whether or not I've eaten. I mostly drink wine or beer so with anything else, I have no idea.

37. Why are you doing this survey?
Blah, at this point I just figure I have no choice.

38-40. GAH!
Yep.

41. Do you have any strange phobias?
I don't like anything scary... movies or TV shows or stories or anything. I think they're fun during the day and then at night when I can't sleep and I swear I can hear Lizzie Borden laughing maniacally on my staircase, I regret it.

42. Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
The Monopoly thimble is probably still up there somewhere. When it rains I still have a faint urge to sew.

43-45. [Silent fuming]

46. Have you ever gotten caught sleeping while on a date?
No, but I've wanted to.

47. Have you ever played naked twister?
No, but I bet you can file that under "better in theory."

48. Have you ever been drunk at school or work?
One time my sophomore year of high school we drank beer and vodka in the woods during school. So stupid on so many levels. But I only had a little bit of beer so I wasn't really drunk. As for the second question... come on, I work with children. So yes, of course, all the time.

49. Have you ever found your date's brother or sister to be hotter then your date?
No, thankfully.

50. How many Bryces do you know?
None.