So this afternoon I'm on my way from school to the home of one of the kids that I see after school and I get pulled over for making a left on a red light. In my defense, the person in front of me... and the light was just barely... and I would've been blocking the... meh, whatever. I'm a Boston driver, I admit it.
The one advantage that I can see to being pulled over in the city that I work in is the opportunity to milk the fact that I work at one of the schools and children are the future and please please don't give me a ticket. I got pulled over two months ago, though, and I got off on a warning then, so I'm not optimistic.
"Hi, I'm so sorry. I thought I could make that light but obviously not. I was just coming from the XYZ School."
"Yeah, you weren't even close to making the light. You work at the XYZ?"
"Yes, I do!" And I love puppies and flowers and most of all THE LAW!
"Okay, let's have your license and registration. It'll just be a minute."
Six long minutes later he comes back to my window. "You've had a lot of offenses, huh?"
Sure, driver retraining school comes to mind, but his tone sounds less like he's talking about illegal U-turns and more like selling crack to second graders.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, your license was suspended awhile ago."
"What? No, it was definitely wasn't."
"And there's a restraining order against you? Someone named Russell?"
"Wait, WHAT? I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't even know anyone named Russell." This isn't exactly true. I have a student named Russell, but it's been awhile since a kindergartener took legal action against me. And I had a camp counselor named Russell 15 years ago, but I'm fairly certain that I haven't been crowding him.
"How many tickets have you received in the past few years?"
"I got a couple a few years ago, but none recently. And my license was never suspended and no one has a RESTRAINING ORDER against me."
And then of course I stop for a second and think, wait, does someone? Would I know? Does my mom really hate me that much?
He kind of laughed and shrugged. "Okay, then, I guess I pulled up the wrong name. Anyway, I just wrote you a warning."
"Oh. But..." How would information on someone else come up if he ran my license? Why did he just shrug it off? But I'm already late and I decide not to push it. "Okay, well, thanks."
I thought when people stole your identities that they just bought crap online and called China. Maybe I should look into this.
And I'm sorry, Russell. BUT WHY WON'T YOU TAKE ME BACK?