Sunday, January 16, 2005


So I'm out to lunch with The Bride, and the waitress comes over to take our order. The Bride orders something without tomatoes and I order something without cheese, and then I joke that we're so high-maintenance. The waitress doesn't smile and practically rips our menus out of our hands. Then New Waitress comes over and tells us that Old Waitress is on break so she's going to be our waitress now. We then proceed to watch Old Waitress serve every single table around us for the next hour, sweetly asking our table neighbors if they want lemons in their beverages, or if they're interested in the dessert menu. So, basically, she took a break from us.

Me: What the hell happened? Could we have been more polite to her?
Bride: No. We were so polite!
Me: We were the politest people I know.
Bride: Maybe she was mad we didn't order drinks?
Me: It's lunchtime!

So we're basking in this rejection when suddenly Bride's ex-boyfriend walks by. This is the guy that she dated for a few months, years and years ago, but he just never really went away until she met her husband (fiancee, whatever, in print that just sounds like someone who should be handling your finances). I couldn't have picked him out of a line-up, to be honest; I only met him once like six years ago. He didn't like any of her friends because he was 30 and we were 21-22 and he thought we were immature. Um, you think? We still thought 30-year-olds were kind of icky back then. He came to a New Year's Eve party we were having at somebody's apartment and literally threw a screaming fit in the middle of the kitchen because they didn't have a wine opener. Hee! I love good theater.

Me: Where is he? I want to see him.
Bride: You know what he looks like.
Me: I met him once in like 1981.
Bride: Third booth, against the wall.
Me: Let's send him over a bottle of wine and no opener!
Bride: Where's Old Waitress? I think I'm ready to start drinking.

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