Damn my expired Us Weekly subscription; I'm so out of the celebrity gossip loop. But I'm happy to find that it's reached terrifying new heights. It appears that in my absence, labia flashing has become a trend. It's not enough that these twenty-something starlets are all drunk and coked up every night, now they're showing off their goods like a new handbag. I mean, what the hell? Is vulva the new black?
When I heard that Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton's favorite new accessories were their vajayjays, I was all like, nuh-uh, did their skirts just ride up a little or something? But people, these pictures are unbelievable! There's one here and another one here... and oh yeah, here's one more! Those are the edited ones, but you can Google Image your way to the real McCoys, as you'd better believe I did. (In fact, not unlike a 14-year-old boy, I said, "Awww, come on!" when the first ones that I found had strategically placed blurs.)
Seriously, WHAT'S GOING ON? You cannot honestly make a mistake like that. You would have to be novacained from the waist down to not feel a gentle breeze long before some paparazzi has a chance to catch your business on film.
What's next, reverse cowgirl with one of the wise men in the middle of a Catholic school nativity scene? Can I get an amen?