More memorable moments in online dating last week:
An email from a guy who told me he can wash himself. Does this not go without saying? Maybe I should rewrite the "what I'm looking for" section.
An email from a guy who said: "Tommy Lee and I have something in common, no I don’t play the drums, or get Married Pam Anderson, or in a hardcore rock band. (Think LONG and HARD about this one)." Juvenile AND unable to write a coherent sentence? Where do I sign up?
An email from a guy whose "biggest dating pet peeve" is women who don't feel comfortable getting in his car on the first date just because they met him online. Gah, those uptight, life-valuing bitches. Also, in a world with people who take off their wedding rings before approaching you or think kissing involves licking the roof of your mouth, THIS is your biggest pet peeve, Ted Bundy?
An email from a guy who lives in Rhode Island, asking me what my favorite places in Providence are. My actual response: I've never really been to Providence. Is it fun? The response I wanted to send: PROVIDENCE? Why in hell would I ever hang out in PROVIDENCE? I don't know why anyone would spend a night in the festering cesspool that is Rhode Island, let alone live there. Okay, maybe I shouldn't overreact, but... blech. (Sidenote: In college I lived close to Rhode Island and we got their news stations instead of Boston's. Oh, how I missed WCVB and Natalie Jacobson. The Island would let any homeless crack addict get on the air and read news, and there would always be hilarious soundbites like "Rhode Island can lead the country into the 21st century!" from then governor Lincoln Almond. Okay, fine, Rhodey has Newport, which I love, and Brown, whose booming student population is an enigma to me because everyone I know who ever applied there didn't get in. Oh wait, Andrea Marr went there.)
I say something in my profile about my affinity for bad 80s soft rock. I got an email from a guy who said he has some Air Supply on his iPod but he's not proud. Hello, did you just say AIR SUPPLY? That's like top shelf soft rock. That's the soft rock that even other soft rock won't sit with at lunch. One time the bartender at my friends' and my favorite bar gave us his iPod to control the music for the night and they ended up taking it away from me when I played Hall and Oates. And this guy is putting Air Supply on the table! The downside? Um, his name is Yoda. True story. Instead of this repelling me, I really should just sigh, square my shoulders and accept the inevitable truth: Of COURSE if I meet someone great, his name will end up being freakin' Yoda. Not Dan. Not Jeff. YODA. Marry him I might. Happy day it will be.